Monday, September 1, 2014

Crazy Birth but AMAZING baby

Been over a year since I have blogged...I have missed it, I really have. There is no better reason to begin again than having my second baby and sharing my birth story so that I will always have it to remember. 
After such a traumatic first pregnancy (see previous blogs if you want to read more about that), I welcomed an easy pregnancy. My first 36 weeks were awesome with no complications and I felt great and excited to be having a little boy. He was very very active and it was so fun to see my belly move all over and think about what he would be like after he was born. At 36 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension and put on bed rest for a week. After that I was put on blood pressure medication and told to rest as much as possible. I was also scheduled for an induction at 39 weeks due to my high blood pressure as they were afraid it would develop into pre-eclampsia. I loved my doctors and especially my nurse practitioner who took such great care of me and went out of their way to make sure I was feeling good about everything. 
I was so excited but very nervous about my induction and honestly never thought I would make it all the way to 39 weeks. I began having contractions around 34 weeks and thought surely this little man would come early like my first baby did. But he was snug and happy in my tummy and waited till my scheduled date. 
On August 25th, Hubby and I went to the hospital early at 7am. They started me on some creams and I already was having contractions but they were not strong or frequent enough. Twelve hours later I was having more contractions but had not progressed much so they started me on another induction form called cervadil. Within the first hour my contractions became harder and more regular and continued through the night. It was a long night but in the morning when they checked me I had only progressed to a 3 and 80% effaced (I came in at a 1 and 70%) but the nurses and doctors kept mentioning how high the babies head was and it did not seem to be coming down. The next step was patocin. Soon after the patocin my contractions increased greatly and the pain was pretty bad. Around noon I got my epidural and was at a 4-5 and was feeling like things might go quickly. The nurses started getting things ready for delivery and I called my mom and sister who came right away. I was feeling excited that it might be getting close. They had me on oxygen as my hard contractions were causing the babies heart beat to go down which was making me nervous so I was anxious to give birth. They checked me a couple hours later but I had not progressed at all. Another couple hours went by and I still had not progressed. The babies heart beat was worrying the nurses so they stopped the patocin and let the baby rest. During this time my epidural began wearing off. I got some more medicine but again a few hours later it wore off. I got some more. Then it wore off. Around 10pm they checked me and I was dilated to a 6 but again the baby's head was very high up. I was getting tired as my epidural again began to wear off and I began to have extremely painful back labor. The pain was the worse pain I have ever had in my life.I was crying and yelling (something I had rarely done with all the medical experiences I have had). Soon they came and gave me more epidural medicine. Then the shakes began. I was shaking uncontrollably and my jaw was chattering. I had these shakes during labor with Sofie but they did not last too long. With this labor they did not let up. For about an hour I fought the shakes trying to breath rhythmically to calm my jaw as my jaw, neck, and shoulders were getting sore from shaking so much. I could not get rid of them for more than a minute here and there. At midnight the doctor came in and I told her I did not know how much more I could take. I had not progressed and the baby's head was still high and it had been 40 hour of labor! The doctor said that due to my physical state and that I was not progressing and the babies heart rate was not handling contractions, they wanted to do a c-section. I agreed and within minutes they were wheeling me into the operating room. 
As they laid me down for surgery I was still shaking and became very nauseated. I began vomiting violently for several minutes. Soon after I was done and they had cleaned me up they began surgery. I don't remember much after this except at the end where I could tell that something was urgent as there was a lot of things happening quickly and I could hear heartbeats slowing. Within seconds I saw them hold up my baby boy and heard his sweet cry. I saw him for a quick second here and there but was so physically exhausted and still shaking that I could not keep my body awake. I was sad and still am that I have very few memories of those first minutes of my baby boy's life but luckily Hubby was there and can fill in the blanks for me. 
My baby is beautiful and worth every second of my labor and delivery. He is my new love. Later that day I began realizing the pain that comes with a c-section but had my hubby by my side all day and night. The doctor was afraid that she had nicked my ureter so I had a couple extra tests which were painful and uncomfortable but luckily everything came back ok. Unfortunately, my placenta came back testing postive for strep B so my little man had to have antibiotics and was also hypoglycemic. Thank goodness for good medicine and good healthcare professionals.
On Friday morning we received a very sad call that my Hubby's grandfather had passed away in Mexico. It was very emotional for him and me and we decided that it was important for him to go to Mexico for the funeral. It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to him that morning as I knew that meant several days of me and baby alone as my mom had Sofie and my sister was out of town. It was also hard to know he was going to the funeral and that I would not be able to go and be with him during that hard time. After lots of tears my Hubby left. The next couple days were more difficult than I would have liked but I had lots of good nurses and was blessed with lots of special moments with my baby Sam that I will never forget. My mom spent some time with me and one of my good friends came and kept me company (which I was SO grateful for). I was so happy to come home on Sunday evening with my baby boy and soon after Hubby came back from Mexico. 
I am so grateful for my family and for great medical professionals. I am recovering well and love spending time with my baby boy and little girl. I am so blessed and am reminded again what a miracle babies are. They bring with them the light of Heaven and I have truly felt it in those quiet moments as I look into my babies face. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Sofie is ONE! (better late than never right?)

Sofie turned 1 on July 28th! We had just gotten home from Utah (yeah, I haven't blogged about that either but this is more important) so we ended up just going to IHOP for her actual birthday and giving her a mini cupcake we had bought her in Las Vegas that morning. 

Her actual birthday (post cupcake) (Oh and all these pictures are from my old camera..can't wait to share new ones!!)
The following Saturday she had her 1st Birthday Party, a pink lemonade party! It was just a small party but I had fun working on the decorations and all the details down to her pink fluffy dress :)

                                     This  was her excitement for a Minnie Mouse talking card Grandma bought her!

3 Generations (and a rare picture of me)
Sofie LOVES books! It makes me so happy! At first she just liked to eat them but now she actually LOVES to look at them and read them (she is a cute little reader!). 


Her cupcakes I made (I was a little proud of them)

The first 12 months
Some of my home made decorations :)

My little girl is such a sweetie. Here are her 1 year stats: 
Weight: 19 pounds 0 oz
Height: 29 in
Favorite Food: Green beans, peas, and bananas
Favorite thing to do (as of her birthday...things are already different now): bounce and play patty cake.
Favorite things: her blankie, her thumb (they normally go together),balls, and shoes!
Some of my favorite things about her at one year old that I want to remember: 
Sofie sings when she eats especially when she likes something. It's AWESOME!
She is the best sleeper always sleeping 10 to 11 hours a night.
She is scared of's endearing to me because I am a chicken too! 
She already has 8 teeth!
She is already bilingual: She says ba ba (bottle) gracias (thank you), please, mama, dada, papa, and teta (bottle). I can't wait to see what she learns to say next!
She is super ticklish and loves to play with all her toys (and mom and dad too)

My Sofie truly is the greatest thing and such a blessing in our lives! She makes us smile and laugh every single day and we love her with all our hearts. I never knew life could be like this! 
It's kind of a miracle (minus the kind of)

Friday, July 5, 2013

My Imperfect Body

I have hated my body as long ago as I can remember. Thinking back to my early years, I remember being 11 and feeling embarrassed that my jean shorts were so tight on my belly that they left a mark. As I got older my hatred grew. As a teenager I was constantly dieting to the extent that at times I would not eat and even tried vomiting but never could quite handle that. I felt that if I were thinner then I would be more popular which would be the equivalent of being more happy. When I was 16, I had to have my jaw wired shut and I lost 30 pounds. The following year I had my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and finally attention from boys. OBVIOUSLY (in my mind) it was only because I was thinner. But I could not keep all the weight off and it slowly began to creep back on. Oh, if I could go back to my size 8 self and tell her a little bit of what I know now.
As a single adult my weight fluctuated. I tried every diet in the book, had some successes and some failures. But with each failure came more hatred and more disappointment
. I constantly compared myself to my two beautiful sisters and wondered why I was the one who could not be thin and pretty. As I looked for my future husband I constantly felt my body was repulsive, and society was always reaffirming what I already thought of myself. In my mid twenties I had a very close male friend who told me that if I were thinner he would totally date me. This crushed me and stayed with me for years...I will never forget the night he told me that and all the tears that followed. I had a lot of male friends, most of whom I had crushes on and dreamt that they would wake up one day and realize that they could love me in spite of my body. Don't get me wrong, I dated plenty, and had my share of boyfriends....but I never could quite love myself and always felt that if I were thinner then I would be prettier and they would love me more. Everyone always said, "You have to love yourself before anyone can love you". That statement left me hopeless if it were really true. Luckily, I don't believe it is.
 I met my husband when I was at my heaviest I've ever been and he loves me with all of his heart and was (and is) the greatest man I could have ever imagined. But even after marriage I hated my body. If I gained 5 pounds I was a failure, because everything throughout my life had taught me this. My mind was brainwashed to believe that beauty was only equivalent to thin. I could see the beauty in others, no matter the weight, but for me, each pound up or down on the scale directly impacted my beauty.
Now, two years into marriage I am working hard to change my view on my body. My body now is scarred with surgeries and tired from fighting cancer. It has stretch marks from having a baby and is still plenty chubby. But I am so exhausted of hating my body. I am tired of waiting to be thin to be happy with who I am. I want to be happy and accept who I am right at this minute. Do I want to be thinner? Sure. But I don't want to let everything that I eat, and every single pound on the scale define who I am and what I feel about myself. I want to be healthy for my daughter, beautiful for my husband, but I NEED to love myself, I MUST love myself to be happy. It is day to day process that I will probably always be working on but I am taking baby steps each day. I am grateful for a sweet husband who always makes me feel beautiful, and I honestly can say I am grateful for this body that God has given me. It has been through a lot already in my short life and I hope I can one day truly love it the way I know Heavenly Father would want me to.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Summertime Sofie

Sofie is getting so big!!! I haven't given anyone an update in a while and I can't help but share all the pics of my girlie. Here is a little of what this little 10 month sweetie has been up to.
This is her and her very first outfit she ever a change!
Sofie FINALLY began crawling a little over 2 weeks ago! Now she is going everywhere, and now she is pulling herself up on tables and even walking around them. She is going to walking solo in no time! Sofie LOVES her toys and loves to play. Right now her favorite toys are her blocks and shapes!
This girlie also LOVES to be in the water! She took her first swim last week! We knew she would was so fun to see her splash around! 

Lookin so cute in her new suit!

Babiators from ELLEN


She loved to splash...
And of course as she loves water she also LOVES bath time! She can be fussy and crying but as soon as you put her in the tub she is hap, hap, happy!

And lastly, our little one loves to eat! So far she has eaten anything we give her and never spits anything out...she even likes a lot of foods I don't. One of our exciting things in the past few weeks is that we discovered she can drink through a straw! Yippee! 
Now she has a sippee with a straw which will make getting rid of her bottles a snap.

We are so blessed to have this girl in our family. I am so blessed to have her as my daughter and to have her father as my husband. He really is the best dad and husband a girl could ask for. 
What a miracle it is to have a family.

Friday, April 26, 2013

A Working mom...a whiney post.

I am a working mom. I work 40, sometimes many more hours a week, take care of my baby, my husband, and my home...and I'm exhausted and a little overwhelmed.  I never wanted to be a working mom. I never pictured myself as a working mom...but I am because I need to be to help support my husband, baby, and other members of my family that need our help. I feel like I should be able to do it all and want to be able to do it all. My house is often a disaster and I don't cook near as many meals as I want to. I want to diet and get in shape, be a better church member, organize my home, do DIY projects, deep clean my home, do more fun things with my family, and countless other things...but I never have enough time or energy to do it all. I want to play more with my baby, get my emergency preparedness ready, coupon (I always wanted to be a mom who saved hundreds with coupons or got free stuff), have a meal calender, scrapbook, and garden...but it's so hard to find the time for it all. Can you tell I feel overwhelmed yet? I work so hard to stay positive, happy, to be a good mom and a good wife. I feel like a let down when my husband has to buy himself dinner because I get stuck at work. I love my job but it tires me out, and it's another place I try so hard to be perfect. I don't really have many girlfriends. I wish I had a best friend I could talk to a lot about girlie things that lived close by, or a group of girlfriends to go out with sometimes or have more girls night....

BUT....I love my family. My husband is amazing and he truly is my very best friend. I have the sweetest daughter in the world and I love her more than I ever knew possible. I'm grateful to be alive, grateful for my home, and all my blessings. I'm grateful for my job, for how lucky I am to have a job I love so much since I do have to work. I really have no reason to whine...but I'm human...and this is one of those days, one of those nights, one of those moments where I wish I weren't a working mom, wished I could stay home with my baby and do so many of those things I won't always have time to do.

I guess today my miracle is that I only feel like how I feel today every little once in a while.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Evolution of Hair

A year ago today I realized my hair was falling out and leaving bald spots...and so began the hair evolution...

 And year later.(sorry I'm in jammies)

Can't wait for the two year evolution! 

I remember a year ago thinking it was going to be the hardest part of the whole fight to shave my head and lose all my hair...thinking back to that night and all the emotions that I was filled with during that time makes me tear up a little even as I write this. wasn't really that bad....honestly. I think Heavenly Father truly blessed me with happiness to get through this evolution.  And come on, how many women can say they got to shave their head and start all over from scratch? lol...

Thursday, March 7, 2013

A YEAR....and 7 months!

A year ago today I was diagnosed with cancer. Can you believe it's been a year?  Today all day I thought about what I was doing at certain times of the day exactly a year ago. Right now a year ago I was sitting in the ER waiting room...waiting for the scariest news I never expected.

BUT what an AMAZING year it has been. 

I fought cancer...and I beat it! 

I had a baby and she's the best thing I ever did!

I have an amazing job that I have worked so hard for and am excited to work even harder in.

Me and my hubby in love and So happy!

So more exciting than my year anniversary is Sofie turning 7 months old last week. She is getting SO big and SO FUN!

She is sitting like a champ, loves to eat all kinds of fun things, and really is the Sweetest! Right now my poor baby has croup. It's the first time she's been sick and it truly breaks my heart! I never knew I could love someone so much till she and my hubby came into my life. It's amazing that we are capable of so much love. What a miracle and a blessing that is. Life has changed so much in a year but honestly I wouldn't change a thing. I have learned so much about life, love, and about how Heavenly Father tries us, blesses us, and will always give us everyday miracles.